I had a message about my first blog post:
“In your first post you said “So when you feel unconfident — it is your unconscious mind communicating with you, telling you something. And if you don’t pay attention — what happens? it gets worse.”
How does this fit with the approach of just getting on with it? If someone is dithering on the edge of doing something, doesn’t giving them a shove sometimes work? just telling them to get on and do it can solve the problem?”
I am glad you asked this question because this is a very good point!
Now you will discover that when I am presented with “IS X better than Y?” type questions, I usually change the question to WHEN is X appropriate, and WHEN is Y appropriate?
so, if we do that — we can ask ourselves WHEN is it appropriate to give someone that shove — and when is that the worst possible thing you can do….
Let’s use an example I often use in my workshops.
Let’s think about someone standing on the edge of a pool, hesitating about whether to jump in.
IF the person has been in before, knows how to swim, says they will be fine once they get in there, and just needs help getting in — then they might even be grateful when we encourage them with a little gentle push…once in, they will swim away happily and there will be no hard feelings…
but what if the person DOESN’T know how to swim? and WON’T be fine once they are in? giving THIS person a gentle shove will push them into a terrifying situation where their life will be at risk — and they will never trust you again.
and will be even MORE scared of standing near the edge of a pool in future.
I agree — there is a place for the “grit your teeth and do it” approach –I have cantered bareback and enjoyed it, but each year the FIRST time I do it is a bit nerve wracking! BUT first we need to make sure that if we grit our teeth and do it, we aren’t making it WORSE for the next time.
You may notice this with humans AND horses: your horse may know you are asking him to go over a jump, so he grits his teeth and does it…once, maybe twice. Then, the third time you ask him he just can’t grit his teeth any more and stops — and you wonder why.
With humans, we grit our teeth for one ride out, then another — then suddenly we start feeling physically sick before we ride — and then we are not riding anymore…
In my response to the first question I said that fear and unconfidence is our unconscious mind’s way of keeping us safe…
and if we don’t listen to it when it tries to talk to us, it just turns up the volume and shouts!
please share your thoughts on these posts, and how useful they are, by commenting or sending me a message — thanks!
yours in confidence,